July 2nd 2010

Fourth of July Weekend...am looking forward to my neighbors shooting off their usual fireworks so I can watch from my deck.  I keep envisioning the future months, when it is Labor day, my treatment will be over and I'll have had two weeks to begin recuperating.  It gives me a point of reference to focus on. 

Sorry I've been lax being in here, our days are very busy going back and forth to the U of M.  The team just is right on top of everything and leaves nothing to chance.  I've been running those damn fevers (I hate Harvey, he SUCKS) which zaps my fluids (chills and then sweats) so I'm frequently dehydrated and my BP lowers which for me is not good, my BP is normally low (110/70) but now sometimes goes to 70/60.  So I had one infusion and tomorrow they will do a four hour infusion (I have to learn to change the bottle myself when that is done - Rich offered to watch to see how it is done to do it for me and while he was never a hands on type of guy like this before, he's really meeting this challenge head on...I'm overwhelmed by his devotion and tenacity.  Keep in mind this is the World Cup season!   And he is still there, right by my side.  Thank God for DVR's. LOL.

Then they remove the picc line tomorrow too which I'm happy about.  It might help with the fevers although they think it's Harvey being obstinate.  Jerk.  Did I mention how much I hate him?  I do not think there was anyone in my life I have actually hated.  I try to find good in everyone and sometimes it was minuscule but there was always something...with Harvey, there is nothing I even remotely like about him. The only thing I would like is him gone, dead, zapped, eradicated, extinct and taken to hell never to come back again.  Hmmm, I think I should be more expressive about him, THAT felt good! 

Wanted to come in here and wish you a wonderful Fourth of July weekend.  Thank you for the prayers, the thoughts, the sending of positive and loving warmth.  I'm also starting to think having visitors might not be so bad - maybe my cocooning is slowly starting to dissipate or maybe the pain pills I'm now taking have clouded my mind enough to just say wheee, who cares, so you may have to have a couple drinks or a pain pill too to communicate with me on that level before you visit.  I still have my moments and try to use humor to nail those moments...sometimes it works, sometimes not.  I find myself crying for the stupidest things...Rich will buy me some treats from the store and bring them home and I'll cry, I read an email or card and I cry, the poor little gecko on TV got sucked up the mail shoot and I cry.   It's pathetic.  So, be forewarned.  Either I will be goofy and high or sobbing and incoherent.  All part of the package...all part of the diagnosis...all part of the treatment and all part of the recovery.  Know I appreciate and love each and every one of you.  Be well, I probably won't be back in here until after the fourth.  Tuesday will be a long day - visiting my oncologist and having Rad #6 and the start of week #2.   Be well, Marilyne