Tuesday, July 6, 2010

July 6, 2010

Weekend over, was somewhat restful in that I did not have to travel to Minneapolis each day.  This morning had to get up at 6 (did not sleep well, some anxiety, I just think there is some stress involved driving back and forth each day, receiving blood tests, taking radiation that wears on one emotionally and physically, but until this morning really did not feel that.  Perhaps I was running a bit on adrenaline as well pushing myself a bit last week.  I was determined to fight the fight but perhaps I expelled more energy than I should have and need to back pedal a little bit now.  I still have after all, 5 more weeks of this treatment and it gets worse before it gets better.  So today I'm physically and mentally tired. 

Each day I find a little goodie in my mailbox - a card, a small token, a personal gift and countless emails wishing me well, or responses in here wishing me well.  Know that they might seem small to those who send them, might not seem like a lot to do but for me, means the world.  It gives me a lift that I cannot compare to anything else.  Right now I'm wearing my pink "Jersey Girl" cap -- This gave me the added umph I needed today to kick Harvey's butt -- I have a rep to protect and to 'represent' my Jersey Girl status.  lol.

So this week will be my second week of radiation.  Three weeks of this alone without chemo, then the final week chemo and radiation.  It does not seem like a long time does it?   I feel like a Marathon runner right now doing a 6K  and I'm heading into my second mile.  Tired but still not yet at a point where I do not want to run anymore.  I'm sure that will happen in the last few weeks.  And when that does I will remember this one runner from a race many years ago, can't remember her name, but she came in last and was dehydrated, her muscles were not working well on her legs but she refused help.  She literally limped to the finish line...but...the point was...she MADE it to the finish line.  I keep picturing her.  If she can push to the end, so can I.  Doesn't mean I have to be first to finish, but simply to finish. 

Not sure how I will feel as the weeks progress so forgive me if these blogs get shorter or not as descriptive or if I go off the deep end sometimes and become philosophical.  This blog is to express what emotions or physical issues are going on as the journey progresses.   Cancer is an insidious disease, regardless of where it shows its ugly head and there are a lot of variables to the way people handle chemo and radiation and the disease itself.  I have always kept journals of my life and wrote whatever emotion I felt at the time, good and bad based on the experiences I had at the time.  This blog is no different.  I won't be hiding much in here so read at your own risk.  I hope then to have this to add to my other journals as a point in my life that has come and gone and one I learned just how important living, family and friends are in one's life.   Good news is so far fevers are gone.  At least for the last four days.  Woo Hoo.   Be well, Marilyne


  1. Found a link to this from the rare cancer page. People told me I should keep some sort of journal. I finally started one AFTER the initial 6-week plan we all go through. Looking back on it - it was March and April of this year, I found I didn't want to write about those six weeks. I just sort of turned into Forest Gump...wrote that it was very difficult, "and that's all I have to say about that."

    You've probably been told that the radiation has a "cumulative" effect - as in it gets harder as you go. You can do it, but those last couple weeks are hard. Keep in touch with those who have done it. Rootin for ya!

  2. Thanks Tim! I appreciate your candor and honesty...I know, I'm terrified of the last few weeks, I know they will be rough but I also know there are a bunch of people (you included) who have been there, done that and are here to push me forward. I've been having trouble getting on the site from my laptop, have you noticed any issues there? Be well. Marilyne

  3. M: Sorry I have not posted back lately---have been busy helping my son move and also selling my mom's house in Ashland. However, it was interesting and rewarding to read three weeks worth of your blogs at one time to see your progression with Harvey and how you are handling this whole challenge. I am glad you have the first week behind you and hope it was the worst. Glad the fever is gone. Keep up the good attitude which will serve you enormously as you go through this. Also, tell Rich to keep his good attitude----I'll be thinking of and praying for both of you. Fred

  4. Hi Fred...Thank you for your kind and loving comments. I appreciate that. Understand about the family -- we are frequently moving or helping or painting or doing something for our kids and them us. That is what family is about. Hope that all is well with you and Dana and your children/grandchild. It was good to hear from you. Be well, Marilyne