Thursday, June 17, 2010

June 18 Friday

First, just a general comment but an important one: I re-read some of the responses you all have made to this blog - and I'm sure I will be doing that often over the next months. I can honestly say that the family, friendship and love that comes through your posts take my breath away and make me feel so enveloped in warmth and safe. I am so blessed to know and love you all. So blessed. Not everyone is writing in the blog -- there are countless numbers of emails as well, cards in the mail, thoughts and prayers. I just feel overwhelmed by it all and wanted you all to know how much your thoughts, prayers and caring mean to me. More than you will ever know. It is the wind that will carry my wings through whatever I need to fly through.

Today Rich and I went to the U for my 'simulation' - they retrofit you to a mold that holds you in place while they zap the hell out of Harvey. They were writing all over my belly and I asked " I have to rewrite on myself in sharpie or watch how I bathe or shower not to take the lines away?" and they said well, you can do that OR you can get three little tattoos. Tattoos? So I asked about it. Three small pinpricks and I don't have to worry about whether the lines disappear or not. So I said okay. So now I have three red dots on me (permanent) and black magic marker. I always wanted a tattoo. Red dots are not exactly what I had in mind but under the circumstances, they will do.

While I was there Rich called the oncology nurse about my low grade fevers. They are concerned about it (no duh, so am I). Another positive about the U of M campus is everything is right there...oncology, radiology, surgery, hospital - whatever you need it is there. So the onc nurse talked to my onc doctor who suggested I be checked out for any type of infection they might have missed or to be sure the original surgery site wasn't infected. While I was there a urinalysis was needed as well so I just had to walk across the street and around the corner and covered all those bases. Grant it - the visit went from 8 am until noon - again - but this is how thorough they are. Even for my radiology I have a card with bar code on it and all I have to do is scan myself in and they take me in the order I get there for my zap. (Take that Harvey).

I still feel bad about Rich having to drive to the hospital so much and more over the next five weeks. He brings his laptop and sits upstairs when conductivity is better and does his job...I can't imagine this is easy on him although he never shows he is upset or angry or frustrated. I picked the right man to marry. I'm not sure anyone else would be willing to step up to the plate like this.

Okay, game plan now is to have the port implanted next Thursday rather than Monday to give antibiodics more time to work - don't need fevers - and then Chemo/Rad to start the following Monday. Chemo Monday through Friday from a pump I will carry on my person and Rad every day Monday to Friday. After that Rad until the last week and then the chemo/rad combo once again and then I'm done. If everything goes the way I hope it will, I will be done around mid August with treatment and then I can start to heal.

Harvey will NOT win. I won't let him. My family won't let him. My friends won't let him and my wonderful Medical team won't let him. Be well, Marilyne


  1. How did they do the mold? I heard some of them are done by having you lay in a "bean bag" and then once you are in and settled they take all the air out and it becomes hard like plaster ... how bad did the ink hurt?

  2. Yes, at first it looked like a pillow filled with I'm guessing some type of Styrofoam? Almost felt like the bean bag chairs. Then they mold it around me adjusting here and there, looking at the cat scan, going back,until they are satisfied. Rad doc also checked me out. Once that was done they removed it but now that I remember it was more solid so maybe they do empty out the air to get it to be uniform. I did not hear anything like a vacuum so I do not know. The tattoos felt like I was being stuck for blood work, small needle, said it would feel like a bee sting (and you know how I feel about bees) but I figured it would be one less piece I have to worry about and opted for it.

  3. I hope Rich reads this and prints it out. Yes, unfair to use this against you later, but still. You rarely admit that he's a great husband! At least, they Jersey in you doesn't admit it...but he is. :) I like him.

    amy y