Sunday, October 17, 2010

October 17, 2010

Hello everyone.  I thought I would come in here tonight because of all the strange roller coaster emotions I'm feeling.  In 12 days I have my first three month scans.  These scans will show whether Harvey is indeed gone.  I pray he is gone, I feel he is gone but again there is that mustard seed of doubt that creeps into my daily living and haunts me.  I'm more emotional lately, and I find myself quickly irritated and anxious.  My cohorts tell me this is quite normal and part of this process.  Once someone is diagnosed with cancer, that fear of it not being gone or recurrence is always there.  It fades somewhat after scans show NED but as the months pass, the anxiety and fear crops up again.  I wonder if that feeling ever goes away...perhaps after years of no scans and no issues, maybe.  I just had to come in here and express those feelings and get them off my chest and perhaps place them in this box for a little while.  Please continue your prayers and thoughts.  As always, I appreciate your being there.  Be well, Marilyne


  1. Love you and your courage so much
    Feel your pain and apprehension, pray with you and also hope each scan will be great news Nancy

  2. Hi Marilyne,
    Cancer is a game of waiting. Sometimes it is pushed into the background noise of daily life. Anytime a test was coming up the fear and apprehension came and hit like a brick wall. There's no way to climb over it. Just pray,"Lord you know my fears and panic, help me, I give it all to you." Sometimes, most times, the fear was still there, but I knew that with everyone's prayers, I had done all I could do.I'm praying for you nonstop. I love you and Jesus loves you, Andrea

  3. I feel that love and it means the world to me.

  4. Thinking of you and praying for your full recovery. Try to enjoy everyday as much as you can and put your recovery in God's hands. Love you, Georgy.