September 19, 2010

Hello everyone.  Nothing new to report - will be going to the rad-oncologist on Tuesday for a one month post treatment.  Side effects, while minimal and acceptable, remain.  It is quite possible they will remain with me for the long haul as there are short term and long term side effects.  My thought is: bring it on if I do not have the cancer to deal with on top of  it I can handle the side effects.  It's just a matter of having a bit of ingenuity and flexibility...

I wanted to come in here for a few reasons.  First, for all of you who have been praying for me, your prayers are being answered every single day.  I have no doubt about that.  Each day brings some type of blessing for me and I know that it is because of your thoughts and prayers that God is watching out for me in so many wonderful and surprising ways.  Second, while cancer is a scary diagnosis to hear, it changes you (it did me) in ways I cannot fully explain.  I have become stronger mentally, physically and spiritually - especially the latter - I 'see' things around me that I never noticed before and appreciate them more now than I ever did.  Someone said in my cohort cancer forum that they were 'fortunate' to have been diagnosed because they were forced then to re-evaluate their lives -- appreciate their families, put less pressure on themselves, appreciate the surroundings around them. 

My reflections today come from my sitting outside on the deck for a little bit and just taking in the sights, sounds and smells around me.  Why had I not noticed this all long before this?   I think it was because I was trying to control my life all the time, keeping busy, shoving 'things to do' in every empty spot, making sure that I never had time to reflect or enjoy much around me.  I do not regret some of the things I did (like go back to school or go back to work) -- I truly enjoyed doing these things -- but on the down time I should have taken it slow, given myself a break, relaxed a little bit...that is what I regret.  So if any of you reading this are doing just that and not taking time to truly enjoy your life and loved ones around you, stop and do that now.  I no longer write lists - I figure what will get done will get done when it gets done.  No more multi-tasking and trying to fit in 4 things in one hour.  No more stressing out over things I have absolutely no control over.  God has handled every aspect of this treatment and recovery and He will handle the rest as well.  That simple. 

I will be back here after Tuesday to update if there is anything to update.  Today I'm attempting a trip to Cub foods and will drive Lola, my car, for the first time since May.  This should be an interesting adventure.  I hope I remember where all the buttons and dials do.  Hopefully it won't rain as I have the feeling my windows will go up and down as I won't remember where the wiper button is... lol.    Rich will be going with me but won't be driving--I won't let him.   For those of you who do not know this, he had minor hernia surgery on Friday - he did survive the operation but to hear it now you would think this was a five organ transplant.  That's okay, he deserves a little TLC going through what he went through with me and being by my side.  The cancer actually postponed his surgery as he had this hernia a week before I was diagnosed and put it on hold until I was done.  It felt good taking care of someone else for a change. 

I hope all of you are doing well and are healthy, safe and happy.  Thank you again for everything you have done - in prayer, in sending a note, in sending an email.  I re-read them every so often -- read the prayer books you sent me daily and pull close to me the treasures of love and caring that were given to me.  Know that all that was so greatly appreciated from the bottom of my heart.  Be always well, Marilyne