November 12, 2010

Hello Everyone - came in here today to apologize if my post yesterday was a bit somber.  It was how I was feeling.  Today I feel much better...energized...ready to fight again.  That is what this is, a constant fight, a constant battle.  It can get tiring and discouraging to do this day in and day out.  Then to hope for one type of news and hear another...well that really can put a crimp in one's day. 

Yesterday was crimp day.  Today is fight day.  I'm back on the battlefield a little worse for wear but back anyway.  Just wanted you all to know that.  Thanks for being there.  New battle cry:  Hooo Rahhhh....DIE HARVEY!   Be well everyone else....Love Marilyne

November 11, 2010 - The Journey Continues...

Had my colo-rectal surgeon visit today which is the culmination of post scan visits.  Was hoping to hear better news than I did but it still could have been worse. The surgeon did both manual and scope exams and felt a small mass still there, much much smaller than Harvey was to begin with which was also on the scans.  The scans he said were very good and he was happy about that.  However, there remains something in there.  He wants to see me in four weeks to do another exam and if this mass shrinks, then he will see me again and monitor it, if it continues to shrink (radiation still is working) then it will be monitoring.  If it does not shrink, then I have to have a deep biopsy under anesthesia where they can ascertain whether or not it is active or non-active cancer.  If non-active, they continue to watch it.  If active then I will have to have an APR surgery which means having bowel removed and a permanent colostomy. 

That news broke my heart as I've been feeling well, energy level up and all plumbing systems working well...some residual side effects from chemo and radiation but nothing I can't handle.  I will need to simply digest all this and put myself in another level mentally, then move forward.  Today was a tough day but not as tough as it could have been, not as tough as other people have it and not as tough as I might see in the future.  The journey continues, the fight continues.  Please keep saying prayers that the remains of what is there just withers away and is gone.  I wish I had better news.  Maybe next time.  Love to you all.  Marilyne

November 8, 2010 - scan results so far

Had meeting with my two oncologists today and the news was mostly positive although both were somewhat reserved in giving me any actual NED news.  Harvey is down to practically a pinpoint in the scans, however, there is still a hotspot in that area (that pinpoint)  that they cannot ascertain if it is still active cancer or residual dying cells or scar tissue from the radiation.  I will not know any of this until Thursday when I have my dr appt with the colo-rectal surgeon.  He will do a DRE (dr exam) and maybe scope and biopsy what is left just to be sure.  Until I hear him say to me that it is NED or T0N0I I am remaining calm and reserved about the outcome.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I'm telling you though, seeing the before and after scans I was stunned at how that treatment kicked Harvey's butt - he was HUGE.  Even the rad oncologist said she could now tell me, he was a very large tumor and they had to be aggressive with him which might give me some residual side effects...I'm feeling some of them now, stiffness in the legs and hips, muscle weakness and so on.  There are times I have to move around a lot in order to be able to walk straight.  So this might be my 'new normal' and you know what, that is okay.  Living with hip and leg pain is better than living with cancer or not living at all.  I will take what God gives me and be thankful for it.  So we shall see what we shall see.  Just wanted to keep you guys updated as soon as I could because I know you'd want to know.  Now I am tired.  Was at hospital from 8 until 5 today again.  Long waiting hours to actually not find out too much but more than I knew yesterday.   Love you all for being there. Keep praying to be sure the residual is just that...scar tissue and nothing more.  Be well, Marilyne