Merry Christmas

I was reflecting today and went into my cancer forums to see if everyone was doing okay, to give some consolation and a hug if needed as these individuals were there for me during the last 7 months.  A few of the posts were not as uplifting as mine and that saddened me.  I consider myself so blessed to be celebrating this Christmas cancer free and I thank God for that every day since I found out the NED status.  But...things can change and I know that.  Many of the people going through chemo and radiation for metastases and recurring cancer did not expect that to happen to them.  My heart aches for them and my prayer focus is now on them.  At this season of miracles I suppose I naively thought that everyone would have a miracle.  It is not to be so for some.  And, in thinking about all this, I almost feel guilty for being NED.  I know I should not, but I do.  I suppose this is part and parcel of having cancer, surviving cancer and being in a forum and group with others with the same disease.  Not everyone will be healed, not everyone will be well.  So for those individuals I say a small prayer tonite that they will have a peaceful holiday season and 2011 brings for them some uplifting news and health. 

To all of you who follow this blog, I wish you the best Christmas ever, a wonderful New Year - may you all have happiness, health and prosperity.  Thank you once again for being there for me, for lifting my heart and spirit when I needed it lifted and for your prayers because I KNOW that those prayers worked in more ways than just my NED.  Love to you all, Marilyne

The wait is over...

Just got a call from my surgeon's nurse about results from biopsy...

....no malignancy noted.    I am officially NED (no evidence of disease).   Today starts the first day of the second part of my life...I'm overwhelmed.  I'm so grateful.  I just keep thanking God.  What a Blessed Christmas this will be.  Miracles do happen.

Again....I do not believe this would be possible without my medical team fighting so hard, and without the prayers and love and thoughts and cards and letters that you all sent to me.  The prayers got me through it, the prayers took Harvey away and the prayers made all this possible.   The proof is in me:  God listened. 

Love to you all and a Blessed Christmas to you all....Marilyne

Waiting...

Hello Everyone...back in here for a small update.  Had a biopsy done a few days ago - had colon surgeon visit a few days before that and he scheduled the biopsy.  I asked if harvey had shrunk more and he said yes.  However, when I read his report from November he noted that he would do a biopsy if the tumor remained the same or got larger.  Naturally, I was concerned.  This last visit though, he seemed 'less' concerned but still wanted to do the biopsy.  I base his concern level on his voice and body language and he seemed more relaxed this time.  I asked if it was to confirm or deny cancer was still there and he said yes, that is what it was for.  I also asked him before the biopsy when the results would be in and he said either today or Monday he hoped.  So once again I wait.  My feelings right now are neutral (not optimistic or pessimistic) only because my team has done everything they can for me in this area to rid me of harrvey and God will do for me what He thinks is the best for me. I prayed for healing and I trust that in one way or another that healing will occur. I will be back in here when I hear the results of the biopsy.  Continue your prayers please.  I have no doubt, no doubt whatsoever that your thoughts and prayers got me through treatment with minimal difficulty and now even after treatment continues to attack harvey with gusto.  The saying "Prayer Changes Things" has taken on new meaning for me since this diagnosis.  It truly does.  I'm proof of that.

I've learned a great deal this year with this diagnosis.  I have learned that a diagnosis of cancer is scary but does not have to mean the end of everything.  I have learned that there is a lot of waiting to this disease, a lot of ups and a lot of downs.  Optimism and discouragement can come within five minutes of each other which can play havoc on your mind.   I've been reading many books on the disease (as well as some fun fiction not related to the disease).  "Anti Cancer" is one of the books my forum cohorts recommend and I'm currently reading that.  Facinating book - discusses why some people are more susceptible to cancer than others and how cells grow, etc.   Rich bought me a Kindle as an early Christmas gift so I could download books to read while I was in the aiting rooms for these dr appointments as sometimes we are there for a few hours.  It's good to be busy and reading helps pass that time.  I love my Kindle but I think Rich might be getting annoyed with the charges of my downloading books. :-)  I was able to actually download the Bible for free! 

Christmas is coming up quickly.  I'm trying to catch up wrapping gifts and doing my cards.  Not sure if a letter will come this year but we shall see.  Wishing you all a Blessed and Loving Christmas season...a season of miracles and love and joy - may we all experience them.  Be well always, Marilyne

Harvey Update

Just returned from colo-rectal surgeon's office.  Harvey has shrunk some more!!  That was the good news.  There is still a small nodule left and the surgeon wants to do a biopsy to rule out any active cancer.  He could not give me any indication either way as the biopsy is the only way to tell.  So, next Weds I have surgery scheduled for a biopsy. Not sure how long it takes to get biopsy results but I am hoping that the Christmas present I asked for this year is realized.  All I want for Christmas is NED.   Keep praying everyone because I KNOW it is your prayers and thoughts that have gotten me this far.  Will be back in here after the biopsy.  Love to you all, be well always, Marilyne

Week of Judgment

Hello Everyone, it's been awhile.  Hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I'm in here now because this Thursday will be my return to the surgeon to check on Harvey and his hopefully melting demise.  If Harvey has melted more, then the surgeon may leave me alone for three months and watch...or he might do a biopsy anyway.  If Harvey has not gotten smaller, I'm positive he will do a biopsy. The biopsy can come back positive or negative.  If negative, then they will leave me alone for three months.  If positive, then I am assuming that the next step will be an APR (abdominal resection).  So...the worse can scenario is the APR.  I have three chances on this going well:  1) no tumor 2) markedly decreased tumor and biopsy that comes back negative; 3) no decrease in tumor but biopsy comes back negative.  I will be happy with 1, 2 or 3 and pray for those outcomes.  Pray for those outcomes too...I will need your prayers for this this week.  Thursday is the appt.  Will come back in here on Friday.  Thank you for being there and being so supportive.  Love to you all, Marilyne