Back on the rollercoaster ride...perhaps a short one...

Hello everyone.  Been awhile but things have been pretty balanced lately.  Scans have been good - my next one is in June.  Had to visit with a GYN Oncologist as I need to be monitored in all areas and a biopsy they did came out fine but there are some atypical squamous cells there - not cancer but can turn into cancer.  I need to go back next weds to have them do a special scope that is like a microscope for them to look closer at the area. Always something.  I'm not as freaked out as I thought I would be. Maybe because I trust my team and well, it is what it is.  I'm hopeful that it won't lead to much more but am thankful that they are on top of it.  Will keep you posted.  Hugs and Be Well, Marilyne

6 month scan

Had appt with my oncologist today and the 6 month scan came out well.  Still have to see the colo-rectal surgeon for a scoping as he looks close but nothing lit up on the scan.  The oncologist is usually more bubbly and upbeat than the surgeon so we shall see.  I will finish this post after I see the colo-rectal surgeon but it seems to be going very well.

Surgeon's appointment on Thursday was good.  They poked, prodded and splunked their way through Harvey's old house and found nothing suspicious.  Relief abounded.  They still cautiously advised me that they will watch me closely which I am thankful they are.  I do not have to go back for four months which is awesome.  Four months of relatively free thinking and freedom from worry of cancer.  How good is that?

Thank you everyone for being there and for your prayers, caring and concern.  Be well, Marilyne

February 7, 2011

Hello Everyone - I came in here today for two reasons.  One was to let you know that my six month scan is tomorrow.  Follow up exams will occur next week.  I have not been as anxious about this scan for some reason and did not think it necessary to come in here until after the scan and results were in.  The second reason was to mention that I lost a very close and dear friend yesterday.  I considered her as close to me as a daughter.  She died in her sleep at the age of 41.  Too young.  We do not know the cause just yet, speculation was it was her heart.  The reason I bring this sad information forth in my blog is to reiterate once again how tenuous life is, how we need to hold on to our days and enjoy them to the fullest.  To let small unimportant things that might annoy us slide off our backs, to forgive those we may be carrying grudges against, to say I love you to the people closest to you that you might not think to say it to on a daily basis.  Most of all, to appreciate one another for in the scheme of things, today may be all we have.  That's all I have to say on the matter.  It was my way of coming in here and grieving for my friend and daughter.  She will be sorely missed by me and all others who loved and knew her.  Thanks for letting me open up about this in here. 

Post Op Update

Had my post op appointment from the biopsy yesterday.  Surgeon said he was very concerned until the biopsy came back and he was relieved it was not malignant.  A small nodule still remains and he said he is going to watch that carefully and be very aggressive about it (which I concurred with him).  So...I have to see him again in six weeks for a scope and DRE and we shall see what we shall see.  It is all around the same time as the 6 month scan and visit with my oncologist. 

I've come to realize that my life for awhile will be lived in three month increments.  And might be so for awhile.  This is okay...it simply makes me feel comfortable in knowing my team is still watching over me.  I'm not going to say I won't be nervous or anxious or scared with each scan - I will be - that is the nature of the beast to worry.  But if the scans and DRE's come back good, I will relish that fact and enjoy my life until the next scan.  If the scan shows something and we need to investigate I will handle that as well and as best that I can.   While Harvey appears to be dead and only a small piece of his dead carcass remains, we will still have to be diligent and keep tabs on the area.  I feel pretty good right now considering - oh I could complain about some things - residual chemo and rad treatment issues - but I am far too thankful to care about that.  Really.  I thank God every day for His blessings and that is how I will live my life from now on.  I thanked God before but not every day.  Now it is for simple things and blessings that I did not really 'see' until all this happened. 

Thank you everyone for always being there.  Loved all your Christmas cards.  Be well always, Marilyne

Merry Christmas

I was reflecting today and went into my cancer forums to see if everyone was doing okay, to give some consolation and a hug if needed as these individuals were there for me during the last 7 months.  A few of the posts were not as uplifting as mine and that saddened me.  I consider myself so blessed to be celebrating this Christmas cancer free and I thank God for that every day since I found out the NED status.  But...things can change and I know that.  Many of the people going through chemo and radiation for metastases and recurring cancer did not expect that to happen to them.  My heart aches for them and my prayer focus is now on them.  At this season of miracles I suppose I naively thought that everyone would have a miracle.  It is not to be so for some.  And, in thinking about all this, I almost feel guilty for being NED.  I know I should not, but I do.  I suppose this is part and parcel of having cancer, surviving cancer and being in a forum and group with others with the same disease.  Not everyone will be healed, not everyone will be well.  So for those individuals I say a small prayer tonite that they will have a peaceful holiday season and 2011 brings for them some uplifting news and health. 

To all of you who follow this blog, I wish you the best Christmas ever, a wonderful New Year - may you all have happiness, health and prosperity.  Thank you once again for being there for me, for lifting my heart and spirit when I needed it lifted and for your prayers because I KNOW that those prayers worked in more ways than just my NED.  Love to you all, Marilyne

The wait is over...

Just got a call from my surgeon's nurse about results from biopsy...

....no malignancy noted.    I am officially NED (no evidence of disease).   Today starts the first day of the second part of my life...I'm overwhelmed.  I'm so grateful.  I just keep thanking God.  What a Blessed Christmas this will be.  Miracles do happen.

Again....I do not believe this would be possible without my medical team fighting so hard, and without the prayers and love and thoughts and cards and letters that you all sent to me.  The prayers got me through it, the prayers took Harvey away and the prayers made all this possible.   The proof is in me:  God listened. 

Love to you all and a Blessed Christmas to you all....Marilyne

Waiting...

Hello Everyone...back in here for a small update.  Had a biopsy done a few days ago - had colon surgeon visit a few days before that and he scheduled the biopsy.  I asked if harvey had shrunk more and he said yes.  However, when I read his report from November he noted that he would do a biopsy if the tumor remained the same or got larger.  Naturally, I was concerned.  This last visit though, he seemed 'less' concerned but still wanted to do the biopsy.  I base his concern level on his voice and body language and he seemed more relaxed this time.  I asked if it was to confirm or deny cancer was still there and he said yes, that is what it was for.  I also asked him before the biopsy when the results would be in and he said either today or Monday he hoped.  So once again I wait.  My feelings right now are neutral (not optimistic or pessimistic) only because my team has done everything they can for me in this area to rid me of harrvey and God will do for me what He thinks is the best for me. I prayed for healing and I trust that in one way or another that healing will occur. I will be back in here when I hear the results of the biopsy.  Continue your prayers please.  I have no doubt, no doubt whatsoever that your thoughts and prayers got me through treatment with minimal difficulty and now even after treatment continues to attack harvey with gusto.  The saying "Prayer Changes Things" has taken on new meaning for me since this diagnosis.  It truly does.  I'm proof of that.

I've learned a great deal this year with this diagnosis.  I have learned that a diagnosis of cancer is scary but does not have to mean the end of everything.  I have learned that there is a lot of waiting to this disease, a lot of ups and a lot of downs.  Optimism and discouragement can come within five minutes of each other which can play havoc on your mind.   I've been reading many books on the disease (as well as some fun fiction not related to the disease).  "Anti Cancer" is one of the books my forum cohorts recommend and I'm currently reading that.  Facinating book - discusses why some people are more susceptible to cancer than others and how cells grow, etc.   Rich bought me a Kindle as an early Christmas gift so I could download books to read while I was in the aiting rooms for these dr appointments as sometimes we are there for a few hours.  It's good to be busy and reading helps pass that time.  I love my Kindle but I think Rich might be getting annoyed with the charges of my downloading books. :-)  I was able to actually download the Bible for free! 

Christmas is coming up quickly.  I'm trying to catch up wrapping gifts and doing my cards.  Not sure if a letter will come this year but we shall see.  Wishing you all a Blessed and Loving Christmas season...a season of miracles and love and joy - may we all experience them.  Be well always, Marilyne