October 29, 2010

Hello Everyone....had my MRI and PET CT today...long long grueling day but they are now over with.  Next step is to wait until the 8th when I see my oncologists.  My cohorts at the Rare cancer forum have alerted me that there still might be some hot spots and irritation and not to freak out.  According to them the Nigro protocol especially the radiation continues to work for months after treatment ends.  Many had some hot spots light up at 3 mos but gone at six.  So I will be patient and keep praying and keep watching my health.  Sorry I do not have more news but will be back in here in a week or so and let you know what the oncologist and colo-rectal guy says.  I feel pretty confident and good today.  Glad the tests are done.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers -- I felt them all day today.   Love you all, Marilyne

Scans on Friday

Hello everyone.  Hope that this blog update finds everyone well and healthy.  My three month scans (first once since treatment) will happen on Friday.  I have my MRI at 12:30 and the PET CT at 2:00.  I won't know the results of these scans until the 8th or 11th of November.  I meet with my oncologist and rad oncologist on the 8th and the colo-rectal surgeon on the 11th.  I'm hoping that my rad oncologist is the one who gives me the news as I really like her.  She was very curt and business like when I first met her but now we talk like we are old friends.  She is quite compassionate and knows how to alleviate my fears.  She also had cancer which is why I think it makes her a better doctor in understanding the emotions of her patients.  I'm still having my home boutique show with 6 other crafters on the 5th and 6th...I decided to do that simply for sanity reasons and to keep me focused on something other than the scans, diagnosis and cancer.  Is it working?  Well, not really but I find I think about it less than I would have if I didn't have this to focus on.  I have an outside show in West St. Paul on the 20th as well but by then I will know the results.  I think it is better to be busy than delve on things. 

The next time I come in here it will be when I have the results of the scan and what the next step will be.  I hope and pray that Harvey is gone.  Please keep up the prayers and thoughts.  They get me through the worst parts of this diagnosis and recovery.  I love you all very much.  Be well always, Marilyne

October 17, 2010

Hello everyone.  I thought I would come in here tonight because of all the strange roller coaster emotions I'm feeling.  In 12 days I have my first three month scans.  These scans will show whether Harvey is indeed gone.  I pray he is gone, I feel he is gone but again there is that mustard seed of doubt that creeps into my daily living and haunts me.  I'm more emotional lately, and I find myself quickly irritated and anxious.  My cohorts tell me this is quite normal and part of this process.  Once someone is diagnosed with cancer, that fear of it not being gone or recurrence is always there.  It fades somewhat after scans show NED but as the months pass, the anxiety and fear crops up again.  I wonder if that feeling ever goes away...perhaps after years of no scans and no issues, maybe.  I just had to come in here and express those feelings and get them off my chest and perhaps place them in this box for a little while.  Please continue your prayers and thoughts.  As always, I appreciate your being there.  Be well, Marilyne

October 4, 2010

Hello Everyone - just a short update.  One month from yesterday I will be going for my first three month post treatment scans (MRI and PET-CT) to ascertain if Harvey is gone.  While I remain hopeful and optimistic that he is indeed gone, there is that small mustard seed of doubt in my heart.  Please continue your wonderful prayers and thoughts...they have gotten me this far without much pain and trauma.  Each day I get a tad bit stronger.  Heartbeat is still high if I exert a little bit but I think that is to be expected yet.  After all I'm only starting week 7 from treatment and while I feel like it is 7 months post treatment rather than weeks, I realize I need to be kinder to my body and just appreciate it has gotten me this far. 

I will be back in here probably the week or two before the scans.  While you try to forget you have cancer in between, the scans bring you shockingly back to reality for two weeks out of the three month spans they take.   To that end, I am having a home craft show the weekend of Nov. 5 and 6 to keep my mind off my own scans and subsequent Dr. appts the following week with results.  I have not made any new items but am having 6 other people bring their items over along with mine which alleviates the stress in my making new things...at least for this show.  I enjoy setting up so much that I do not think it will be a hardship on me plus I plan on setting up the displays weeks before the actual show to take my time...

Rich seems to think I am back to my 'old self' because I'm doing  a few more things than before and I admit I've been nagging on him a lot more lately which is probably why he thinks I am back to 'normal.'  I keep telling him there is no back to normal.  Those who have been through this know there is only the 'new normal' and physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally one is never the same.  I personally think life is better because of this, not worse - maybe not for Rich with me nagging him again - but for me it has taken on deeper meaning.  Just being reflective today because a long term friend of mine from NJ has her second scan for lung cancer this Friday and in solidarity, am feeling her anxiety and apprehension.  My prayers and thoughts will focus only on her this week. 

Be well everyone, Marilyne